MAGIC MUSHROOMS

Jill, I know you are vegan and we haven't really discussed WHAT I am - so I'd like to take a moment and make a confession. I am a fakeatarian - meaning I love animals, don't believe in killing them and find the idea of eating flesh repulsive-

---- AND barbecue and bacon taste like magic to me.

There I said it. I'm not proud of it but they say you're only as sick as your secrets right? The truth is that many of the years that I claimed to be vegetarian - were spent secretly salivated over barbecue'd steak or coveting other people's BLT's. Over time I came to realize that THAT secret was more hypocritical than actually partaking in IT every blue moon. No, I don't have meat in my house, I don't order it when I go out to eat, I can't really look at it raw but sometimes when I go back home to Texas and my brother Tony makes his nutty amazing carne asada- I don't pretend anymore that it grosses me out. Instead, I chow down cave woman style. I figure giving into my weakness every once in awhile keeps me humble and human. And yes, I've also learned to enjoy substitutes like fake bacon and grilled Portobello and actually love them as much if not more than the real thing. But now we're raw and I find myself wishing I could figure out a raw substitute for a grilled portobello (which is a substitute for grilled steak) And ya know what? I think I've found it. I just marinate sliced portobello mushrooms a few hours in Nama Shoyu, a little apple cider vinegar, olive oil, some spices and just one drop of that liquid smoke which - okay may not be raw (and yes maybe it's actually a carcinogenic) but I don't care, it gives them the grilled flavor I so love. Then I dehydrate them for a few hours (until they look/taste great) and I swear when they come out, they satisfy my meaty needs. The other night when Graves and our friend Larry ordered pizza (I wanted to punch them in their stupid, stupid guts) I ordered the house salad (w/out croutons or eggs) and I topped it with some of my meaty magic mushrooms and let me tell you- they made that boring ass salad TASTE EVER SO GOOD! Almost as satisfying as pepperoni pizza. Well....ALMOST.

ps I know that those aren't portobello slices - all I had were button mushrooms which are fine but no where as good and meaty as portobello.