Day 21 Confessions of a Raw Loser

Okay jill,

good news - bad news:
The good news - i have today's post.
The bad news?
I broke.

I contemplated not telling you or anyone else. I thought for the good of the blog and to save face - I'll just pretend it never happened. Who will know, right? But this morning, I knew I'd never be able to live with the lie. Besides it's not fair to raw food - because I'd be claiming things worked or didn't work raw wise knowing that I threw a curve ball into the experiment.

While I can't divulge ALL that happened yesterday - let's just say that after seeing a sad Facebook status update, I invited a gal over for a "pick me up" chat. Soon we were sitting in the magic garden and she started to share with me how her husband has lung cancer and has been dying for the past 15 months. She hasn't slept almost as long and there's tons of drama and so of course, she's completely stressed/wacked out of her mind. Who wouldn't be, right? Wine was ingested. Too much wine for sure.

And food was needed for my guest. Pot stickers were made. She had them while I snacked on my veggie plate. By the time she left, I was chok full of complicated emotions and fears. I hobbled back up to the cabin and without thought I ate six pot stickers- one right after the other - it was beyond my control. There was no pleasure involved. No enjoyment whatsoever. Just ingestion. Call it existential apathetic eating. Call it whatever you want - bottom line is I broke and feel awful about it.

I hope it helps that I am wearing a giant scarlet L for all the world to see. And more importantly, I hope you can forgive me.