Oh no she didn't!!!!

Dear Stacy!

Earlier today, while perusing the zucchini at Trader Joe's, this lady starts poking me in the arm, and man she was giggling! I started to laugh too because someone just MUST have their dress tucked into their panties.....and she says to me, "Good God, you must really like mushrooms!!!" And she is doubled over and pointing at the nine mushroom containers in MY CART!!

Yeah. I'm not making this up. All I can say is, "Well, typically my public ridicule is reserved for days when I'm buying twelve bags of butter lettuce all at once...but today they only had seven."

So she takes off her sunglasses and while scrutinizing my face, asks me what I am doing, (she seriously did) and I tell her about our 90 days of raw and now she isn't giggling. She asks my age. I tell her I am 44. She says that I am glowing. Yes, she did.

She GRILLED (nice word!) me for 20 minutes on what I have been eating. I was beginning to feel like a celebrity....like an EXPERT even! So I am higher than Cheech and Chong when she gushes, "You look absolutely FABULOUS....(wait for it)....for being six years from 50."

Signed,

No wind in these sails

Nama Sho-Nuff

One week ago...

Dear Stacy,

I know that we said Nama Shoyu was devil juice, and a clear obstacle in our path to enlightenment. I also remember some strong talk about those mushroom's being "not so magical." And seriously, this Satan's elixir costs a staggering $23.00 a bottle....IT'S SOY SAUCE for cryin' out loud!!!!! All of that, plus the fact that as of this morning my bottle is almost empty, makes this a stellar time to turn my back on Mr. high-and mighty-fancy-ass-soy sauce!.

What I DON'T know is why, after everything that I just wrote, there is a freshly purchased bottle in my fridge, nestled among the portabellos'. And as much as I would LOVE to say that I don't know how those mushrooms found their way into my dehydrator, I can't, because I DO know. I put them there. It was me damnit.

It was me.

Seven day later...

Dear Stacy,

I have noticed that the last couple of mushroom batches have been seriously nasty. So salty that I cannot even force them down. I have gone from marinating them for two hours to barely tossing them in the Nama Shoyu brew.

It's like eating The Dead Sea.

I mentioned this to my peace-lovin' friend, Lisa, and she proposed that all of this fresh food we eat may have made salt somewhat intolerable. Nama Shoyu intolerable? Ha-ha, don't toy with me!! Lets say there could some truth to this brilliant theory of hers. Would it therefore be possible that we are slowly inching our way toward the enlightenment we seek? Holy hot rod, Stacy!! Maybe we were right and there WILL be a day when we can rejoice in the simple beauty of an apple. No, I mean really CELEBRATE the magnificence of one of natures most elegant offerings!

I know it's just soy sauce. I know I could be wrong.

But I have a good feeling about this.

Dear Jill,

Okay how WEIRD is it that before we started this my favorite food group was SALT and now I'm actually shaking my head in agreement? The mushrooms are just too damn salty. I'm pushing that Shoyu to the back of the fridge for awhile.

MAGIC MUSHROOMS

Jill, I know you are vegan and we haven't really discussed WHAT I am - so I'd like to take a moment and make a confession. I am a fakeatarian - meaning I love animals, don't believe in killing them and find the idea of eating flesh repulsive-

---- AND barbecue and bacon taste like magic to me.

There I said it. I'm not proud of it but they say you're only as sick as your secrets right? The truth is that many of the years that I claimed to be vegetarian - were spent secretly salivated over barbecue'd steak or coveting other people's BLT's. Over time I came to realize that THAT secret was more hypocritical than actually partaking in IT every blue moon. No, I don't have meat in my house, I don't order it when I go out to eat, I can't really look at it raw but sometimes when I go back home to Texas and my brother Tony makes his nutty amazing carne asada- I don't pretend anymore that it grosses me out. Instead, I chow down cave woman style. I figure giving into my weakness every once in awhile keeps me humble and human. And yes, I've also learned to enjoy substitutes like fake bacon and grilled Portobello and actually love them as much if not more than the real thing. But now we're raw and I find myself wishing I could figure out a raw substitute for a grilled portobello (which is a substitute for grilled steak) And ya know what? I think I've found it. I just marinate sliced portobello mushrooms a few hours in Nama Shoyu, a little apple cider vinegar, olive oil, some spices and just one drop of that liquid smoke which - okay may not be raw (and yes maybe it's actually a carcinogenic) but I don't care, it gives them the grilled flavor I so love. Then I dehydrate them for a few hours (until they look/taste great) and I swear when they come out, they satisfy my meaty needs. The other night when Graves and our friend Larry ordered pizza (I wanted to punch them in their stupid, stupid guts) I ordered the house salad (w/out croutons or eggs) and I topped it with some of my meaty magic mushrooms and let me tell you- they made that boring ass salad TASTE EVER SO GOOD! Almost as satisfying as pepperoni pizza. Well....ALMOST.

ps I know that those aren't portobello slices - all I had were button mushrooms which are fine but no where as good and meaty as portobello.