DAY THREE

Dear Fruitless,

This is what my husband/man servant chopped up for me this morning. Take in the beauty. TAKE IT IN. It's like ART, right? Breakfast of champions. I should be doing back flips over it but instead I just ate it. Don't get me wrong it was good. I smiled. Bang on the table good? No. Did I have the same joy and excitement I have over my morning warm buttered toast? Uh, no. Even my sprouted flourless rye bread with Earth's Balance 'butter' gives me a bigger jolt of pleasure and in fact feels like a mini birthday party in my mouth compared to the fruit. It was just food. It was good but there were no emotions involved in eating it. Same with my salad at lunch time. Even with the guacamole and carrots I had at dinner. No anticipation. No thrills. No excitement. It was just... food. Now grant it, I'm hyper aware of how damn lucky I am to have this healthy food and I'm not complaining and I kind of feel like an a-hole for saying it outloud - but as I finished my last bite of guacamole, instead of giving thanks for it and for having a husband to make it for me while I'm laid up, I found myself feeling kind of ... bummed. Like I got gypped. Like something was missing. It hit me that fruits and vegetables are just food to me. They don't represent love or comfort or sex or relaxation. They don't numb me out and make me forget. They aren't what I reach for when I celebrate or when I'm suffering. They don't give me enough pleasure to keep me interested long enough to over eat them. And suddenly I realized this is why monkeys aren't fat. Believe me, if baked bread grew on trees, monkeys would be investing in that Sensa and wearing moo moos. Sigh. I guess tonight I realized what I'm really giving up by doing this - it's not that I'm going to go hungry or won't find great raw recipes - it's all the emotions I've built up over the years connected to cooked foods. I don't have that bag of tricks anymore. Now I'm going to go get my bottle ready and put a diaper on because I'm being a big stupid bum baby.

signed,

I-know-I-shouldn't-admit-that-raw-foods-don't-thrill-me

but-that's-how-I-feel-right-now-in-this-moment McQueen

PS I know this was too long. Give me a break MY FOOT IS IN A CAST!

Dear Let Down in a Moo Moo Gown,

I feel your pain. Really I do. But you did hit on something most people don't think about. I have a meat-eating friends who tells me, "You should be eating meat because we have these incisor teeth which make us hunters." I just stare at him and think, really? I'd love to watch him go out to the woods, find a deer and then TAKE HIM DOWN with those half inch long incisor teeth he's so proud of. I mean seriously, just because you've gotten used to eating Trader Joe's bean burritos at night doesn't mean that one day a slice of fruit won't send you to the moon. We're in raw rehab right now. Besides, I had the same problem yesterday because I made a fatal error that most raw wannabe's make: I didn't prepare. So today is about getting serious. I am gonna get that dehydrator going and let me tell you something you already know: When you have had only raw fruit and veggies for TWO days, well the thought of having some pureed, dried corn? DRIED CORN???? Like a Dorito??? Hell yes bring it on!

Get a Grippy,

Nippy

PS Did you win the Lord of the Rings figure set on E-bay last night?

TWO HOURS LATER

Dear Stacy,

Why is my dehydrator so ugly? I mean even toaster ovens come in stainless steal. How hard could it be to design a dehydrator that didn't look like a planes BLACK BOX?

It's not right.

J -

Okay NO I did not win the ever so awesome complete set of Lord of the Rings figurines INCLUDING TREE BEARD... ugh, thanks for adding even more pain to my cheerless day. You know though, you did hit on something - (well, besides the ugliness of dehydrators - future merch?) right now we're in raw rehab. You're right, my taste buds are all polluted. Oh and yeah I realize I'm not at all prepared. Need to get a list going of recipes I want to try and I must remind myself of the herb cashew cheese/spicy flax seed crackers dish I once made and how had there been a preacher handy I would have married it.

S.

P.S. Hate to be the one to tell you - monkeys occasionally eat meat. And fling their poo.