Sour Cream & Onion Kale Crack

Okay so we've been hearing about kale chips and yes we've been wanting to try them but it wasn't until Bredette Dyer sent a recipe w/ crack in the title that we sat up and took notice.

I don't know what I expected - wait, yes I do - I expected them to taste like dehydrated kale with some flavoring that tastes NOTHING like sour cream and onion. Up until the moment I popped one in my mouth - I was feeling that the whole world was salad and the next 84 days were just going to be this long, torturous nightmare of denying myself my favorite snacks. But these things are amazing! Like take to a party good. They are crazy easy to make, took four hours to dehydrate and seriously they're light and crispy like they've been fried. NO FOR REALS! They have opened my eyes to a whole new wonderful raw world and I'm so relieved because chips/salt are usually what derails my ride on the raw train but now with my kale crack - I KNOW I CAN DO THIS!

Bredette Dyer 26 July at 21:08

Sour Cream and Onion:
Kefir
Green Onion 1
Garlic as many as you like if you're into garlic
Cashew or sesame seeds soaked (I prefer cashews)
Salt
Celery Salt
Nutritional Yeast
Water
ACV just a splash (i had to look this up... apple cider vinegar)

So, I kinda don't measure my stuff, I just throw in. Although, I do soak the cashews for a while and use about a cup of them soaked depending on how much I make. about a table spoon or two of kefir? I'm so bad at actual recipe measurements. A dash of celery salt, maybe a table spoon or more of nut. yeast.. etc.. If it smells good, yay! If you make 'em, lemme know how they turn out! :)

RAWLPH AWARD GOES TO...

Pics/recipes that have us running for the stove!

We're not going to tell you where we found this monstrosity because although the site has RAW in the title - she does include cooked foods. Like this omelette with chicken sausage. Jill thought it was an actual dead chicken. What do you say - RAWLPH or RAWSOME?

DAY FOUR - JILL

Dear Stacy,

I feel lighter. Hot damn and thank God I actually feel a little lighter. People always say that you won't find happiness just by losing weight, but you have to get to the root of your eating issues. Same with biting nails. I had a friend who always said, "I would be so happy if I could just let my nails grow." I argued with her about that way of thinking but now? Now I think it's all wrong. I have been thin before and I was pretty gosh darn happy. I actually felt like to hell with everything else, I am F'n thin and I rule my world so get the hell out of my spiky-heel-wearing-bad-ass way! So....am feeling a little encouraged by my new found lightness.

Had a conversation with a guy I have known for several years last night. He was mortified to hear that I have been vegan for three years. He asked if I ate a lot of tofu and I told him no, tofu's not my thing. His response was,"What are you, completely obstinate?" As if I am thumbing my nose at the Protein Gods. Ha-ha, I just couldn't tell him about the whole raw thing. He probably would have hung up on me.

BTW...am making these corn chips...will let you know how they turn out!

http://www.living-foods.com/recipes/cornchips.html

Dear Jill,

Really? What the hell am I doing wrong?

DAY THREE

Dear Fruitless,

This is what my husband/man servant chopped up for me this morning. Take in the beauty. TAKE IT IN. It's like ART, right? Breakfast of champions. I should be doing back flips over it but instead I just ate it. Don't get me wrong it was good. I smiled. Bang on the table good? No. Did I have the same joy and excitement I have over my morning warm buttered toast? Uh, no. Even my sprouted flourless rye bread with Earth's Balance 'butter' gives me a bigger jolt of pleasure and in fact feels like a mini birthday party in my mouth compared to the fruit. It was just food. It was good but there were no emotions involved in eating it. Same with my salad at lunch time. Even with the guacamole and carrots I had at dinner. No anticipation. No thrills. No excitement. It was just... food. Now grant it, I'm hyper aware of how damn lucky I am to have this healthy food and I'm not complaining and I kind of feel like an a-hole for saying it outloud - but as I finished my last bite of guacamole, instead of giving thanks for it and for having a husband to make it for me while I'm laid up, I found myself feeling kind of ... bummed. Like I got gypped. Like something was missing. It hit me that fruits and vegetables are just food to me. They don't represent love or comfort or sex or relaxation. They don't numb me out and make me forget. They aren't what I reach for when I celebrate or when I'm suffering. They don't give me enough pleasure to keep me interested long enough to over eat them. And suddenly I realized this is why monkeys aren't fat. Believe me, if baked bread grew on trees, monkeys would be investing in that Sensa and wearing moo moos. Sigh. I guess tonight I realized what I'm really giving up by doing this - it's not that I'm going to go hungry or won't find great raw recipes - it's all the emotions I've built up over the years connected to cooked foods. I don't have that bag of tricks anymore. Now I'm going to go get my bottle ready and put a diaper on because I'm being a big stupid bum baby.

signed,

I-know-I-shouldn't-admit-that-raw-foods-don't-thrill-me

but-that's-how-I-feel-right-now-in-this-moment McQueen

PS I know this was too long. Give me a break MY FOOT IS IN A CAST!

Dear Let Down in a Moo Moo Gown,

I feel your pain. Really I do. But you did hit on something most people don't think about. I have a meat-eating friends who tells me, "You should be eating meat because we have these incisor teeth which make us hunters." I just stare at him and think, really? I'd love to watch him go out to the woods, find a deer and then TAKE HIM DOWN with those half inch long incisor teeth he's so proud of. I mean seriously, just because you've gotten used to eating Trader Joe's bean burritos at night doesn't mean that one day a slice of fruit won't send you to the moon. We're in raw rehab right now. Besides, I had the same problem yesterday because I made a fatal error that most raw wannabe's make: I didn't prepare. So today is about getting serious. I am gonna get that dehydrator going and let me tell you something you already know: When you have had only raw fruit and veggies for TWO days, well the thought of having some pureed, dried corn? DRIED CORN???? Like a Dorito??? Hell yes bring it on!

Get a Grippy,

Nippy

PS Did you win the Lord of the Rings figure set on E-bay last night?

TWO HOURS LATER

Dear Stacy,

Why is my dehydrator so ugly? I mean even toaster ovens come in stainless steal. How hard could it be to design a dehydrator that didn't look like a planes BLACK BOX?

It's not right.

J -

Okay NO I did not win the ever so awesome complete set of Lord of the Rings figurines INCLUDING TREE BEARD... ugh, thanks for adding even more pain to my cheerless day. You know though, you did hit on something - (well, besides the ugliness of dehydrators - future merch?) right now we're in raw rehab. You're right, my taste buds are all polluted. Oh and yeah I realize I'm not at all prepared. Need to get a list going of recipes I want to try and I must remind myself of the herb cashew cheese/spicy flax seed crackers dish I once made and how had there been a preacher handy I would have married it.

S.

P.S. Hate to be the one to tell you - monkeys occasionally eat meat. And fling their poo.

Weight Weight Don't tell me!

Stacy McQueen 28 July at 16:58

ya know what i'm this close to doing? Putting up my current weight. Yeah you heard me. The husband knows thanks to that jackhole nurse in the hospital. Silverman knows. Anyone who knows me, knows that I've packed on some pounds the past few years so it's not like I'm hiding it. Really, it's just a number right? RIGHT??!!! We could put our starting weight and our current weight right under our pictures on the home page. Come on! I think it's brave AND i have to say it's really motivating to see those numbers change. Don't we troll the internet looking for success stories to inspire us? (and then go right back to our wicked ways - smugly patting our raw books - feeling comforted that there's this way out. That we're only 90 days away from our prettier, skinnier, younger looking (and oh yeah healthier) selves.) By putting our weight up - we take the shame factor out of it. It will be LIBERATING! Isn't that why Biggest Loser is so awesome??? They get on those scales for all the world to see????? (and secretly we love people who are fatter and have a worse relationship with food than we do) So what do you say, Jill? Do we brave the scales and name our weight? COME ON!

Jill Nipper 28 July at 17:01

Hell no. I will make videos. I will take pictures of food. But I will not post my weight. I would be perfectly fine admitting that while you are brave enough to do it I wouldn't be caught dead doing the same. I will post how much I have lost but that is all I will do!

Jill Nipper 28 July at 17:02

You can even post a picture of me and photoshop in a yellow line down my back!!!

Stacy McQueen 28 July at 17:25

Under your photo I'm putting BAWK BAWK!

Jill Nipper 28 July at 17:31

Whatever. But would you be doing it if the nurse hadn't thrown you under the bus?

I'm gonna put under my picture "she's fatter than me".

DAY TWO

Dear Stacy,

Any day that starts with a green smoothie served with a side of Edward is indeed a good day, even if it did start at 3am. Oh the incessant tossing and turning!! I just had so many things going through my mind about this whole adventure, one being why does this feel like such a huge undertaking in the first place? In the wee hours of this morning it dawned on me that I had more faith in myself to be strong and persevere when my marriage fell apart and my dog died of a heart attack. While it is true that this past year has been, well not my best, I have looked for the positive and made what I can of it all. But keeping all of this going with out these crutches? Scary. The bizarre thing is I really did believe I was dealing with stuff head on but you know what? It's a lie. I haven't dealt with shit. I just go through my day and yes, I feel like I am moving forward, but at night? Well that's when my friends Mr Potato and Mr Cabernet come to play.I can sit down and relax knowing that while my head starts to buzz I am only minutes away from consuming more potato than a family of four would eat in a month. I don't have to think and I don't have to feel. Today, I don't care one bit how I got here and you will never hear me say "why did this happen to me!" I am sure of one thing: we made it through day one and I'll be damned if we won't make it through day two. This is it Stacy...

No more sips for Nips

Dear Nipper the non Sipper,

Man - it's funny you mentioned 'crutches' because I was just thinking how much I hate using these actual crutches of mine. They hurt my armpits and I feel like a dork but ya know they help me to get around. When I don't use them and just try to hobble on the back of my heel - I can feel that ginormous 7 inch pin in there - not good. It's hard for me to accept this immobility. And the only thing that has gotten me through it up yesterday was comfort food & vino. The first days were deliriously glorious - I happily feasted on burritos, popcorn and wine wine wine! I watched 10 episodes of Night Gallery back to back and relished not being able to go anywhere or do anything but 'recover'/veg. But after 10 days of living like that (and the evil side effects of Vicadin) I find myself depressed and wondering why is it that when life gets hard or scary or when I need comfort - my automatic GO TO is crap food & wine? One of the reasons I signed on for this here 90 days is because I am and have always been so dang curious to who will I be without those crutches? Is that ideal self REALLY attainable or are we just Coo Coo for Raw Cacao Cacao Puffs? No matter what, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to finally FINALLY FIND OUT. So yeah, I'm with you sister, I'm doing this NO MATTER WHAT! And while I don't get the whole Edward love - (they lost me with his sparkly skin) he was quite delicious as Cedric in Harry Potter and is one of the only H.P. cast mates I might peek at if he were naked. Wait, he's over 21 right? I don't want to be say that if he's not. I might THINK it but I wouldn't say it.) I do like the idea of making our green smoothies FUN. I'm off to Ebay in search of the perfect glass! Great idea.

Signed, Crutch Hater McQueen

Dear McWizard,

It's only day two and already your Harry Potter fetish is beginning to show. I thought it would take at least a week so now I owe Robert $10. Thanks!

PS Word to the wise: when embarking on a raw diet one should fish out their dehydrator and get some flax crackers going because carrots get old!

Nipper

Dear Pot,

You should have known better.

Love, Kettle

p.s. Wait, you... you aren't saying we're giving up wine for 90 days are you? ARE YOU?

Rules of Engagement?

Jill, I have some questions about what's allowed...

1. COFFEE? - to have or not to have? I think we both say yes but maybe we're just lazy caffeine addicted bitches that need to buck up and stick to what we agreed to? Oui? My ideal self drinks green tea and I guess I should too.

2. SPICES? - can we have spices even if they aren't raw? What about soy sauce? What about barbecue sauce? What about a veggie barbecue pulled "pork" on warm sour dough bread with spicy chipotle veganaise and pickles?? Oh God... it's only day one and I just drooled on my moo moo.

3. OLIVES? Olives contain two favorite food groups - salt & fat. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't want to live in a world without olives. But I think they aren't raw. Unless you go to David Wolf's www.sunfood.com and blow $20.95 for a 16 oz bag Botija. I can get the same size bag of primo oil packed Armenian olives at Food King around the corner for 3.99. I guess I'm going to do some research. My gut tells me they aren't allowed. But my mouth says shut the f' up stupid gut.

4. WINE? Like when?

Answer me dammit - Stacy

Ahhh, my dear Stacy,

1. COFFEE- I woke up at 3am this morning and tossed RELENTLESSLY for three hours before finally crying uncle (my good friend Mr Cabernet would NEVER have let this happen to me.) Now I don't know if you have ever had Starbucks Via Bold Italian Brew but it is pure magic, so unless you want to find your Repunzel-ass hair wrapped around you neck I would let the coffee thing go.

2. SPICES- Do you mean like toasted spices? Because the day we start worrying about that kind of detail is the day that David Wolf will be calling us from the next cabana. As far as soy sauce, I have two words for you: NAMA SHOYU. It's a raw, unpasteurized bottle of goodness that you can find at any health food store. Pulled pork...refer to Repunzel-ass hair comment above.

3. OLIVES- Funny thing, but I was coveting the olives and pickles last night at the grocery store. I did a quick search online and so far it looks like they are just pickled, but one source suggested they could be pasteurized in the jar but not heated up enough to cook them. Lets adopt a don't ask don't tell policy for now until we are certain. Cool?

4. WINE - See Repunzel-ass comment above.

Dill Jill

PS What is with that picture? It looks like you snapped and fricasseed Graves.

DAY ONE

Dear Jill,

Okay, so here it is DAY ONE and I've already f'd up. I got up (after a fitful tossy turny night) - hobbled over to couch and was half-way through my cup of coffee before it hit me COFFEE ISN'T RAW! We didn't discuss morning beverages! Give up all cooked foods for 90 days - sure but GIVE UP MY COFFEE???? It's the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning! I look forward to it. Yeah sure I have an eye twitch and yes I've been told my boobs are fibrous because of the caffeine but... WHAT DOES ONE DO ON A SUNDAY MORNING WITHOUT COFFEE? HOW DOES ONE WRITE BLOGS WITHOUT THEIR DAILY DOSE OF STIMULANT????? Maybe it will help if I go research what the raw experts say?

Caffeine McQueen

Dearest Caffeine McQueen,

It is interesting because my knee-jerk reaction was, "Oh man, you're right!" If we drink coffee then we won't be living up to that fantasy we have about what a perfect, raw foodie is supposed to be. We might spill coffee on those size 2, crisp white pants, after all. But then it occurs to me that we formed this here blog because those standards have been so impossible for us to reach. Would I like to live a pure clean life without the aid of any rev-me-up stimulants? Well, yeah ding-dong but that doesn't mean that I should do it now!!! I say baby steps for the lowly (that would be you and me) and lets put it on our list of what we hope to conquer during our 90 days of raw...like getting up at 5am to exercise every morning. Besides, my mantra for coffee is, "if lovin' you is wrong, I don't wanna be right!"

Chipper Nipper

Dear Chips ( hmmmm chips) I mean Chipper Nipper,

Well, the first day was great for me. Super easy considering I'm stuck on the couch and my chef/husband is doing all the work. No emotional melt downs or pity parties yet. A piece of watermelon for lunch. A handful of raw almonds w/ that Chili lime salt crap I like so much. A salad for dinner. He was in there chopping for an HOUR but out comes... this salad. And it was just...a...salad. It was good but I missed the croutons we usually make and by croutons I mean garlic toast and gone were the fake bacon bits and the gazillion olives. After a few bites I started to panic - this is it? BORING ASS SALAD FOR THE NEXT 90 DAYS? I know I know I need to do what I never do when I usually attempt to go raw - I need to actually crack open some recipe books and get creative. Hey maybe we should have a recipe page? Challenge each other to raw uncook offs? Ask folks to give us their personal favorites? Tomorrow I'll start reading Raw Food Real Food for reals and not just looking at the pictures of that broad eating her food like some porno queen. In truth she's why I'm doing this. I wanna eat my food and look like that.

Signed - Miss Salad if your nasty

Day Before Jitters

Holy crap Jill - are we really doing this???? I can't believe we agreed to go 90 days of raw all nonchalantly - like it wasn't the biggest challenge either of us has taken on (food wise that is) and wait, it STARTS TOMORROW???!!!! WTF? I-I-I don't feel prepared. Shouldn't my house be cleaner? Some kind of ceremony where I burn my cook books and give away my pots and pans? At least the fridge and cabinets should be purged of the offending non raw foods right? Instead I'm lying on the couch in the same moo moo dress I've worn pretty much since I came home from the hospital with my stupid foot in this stupid cast. I haven't bathed in days, my hair looks like something you'd find vermin in and I'm pretty sure the Vicadin they prescribed is making me suicidal. I'm sad, constipated and at my absolute fattest - but you know what? I'm glad. Yeah I said it, I'm glad to be starting this at my physical/mental/spiritual bottom because I can only go up, right? RIGHT??? Wait DID WE REALLY AGREE TO 90 DAYS????

- Stacy

PS We haven't talked about wine which is raw but we both love it too much. No wine right?

Dear Stacy,

This could be THE most overused phrase in the English language but... I know, right??? I feel exactly the same way about needing a ceremony, or at least some balloons, to mark the start of these next 90 days. My house is a wreck and I feel so scattered mentally. NOT feelin' the way I imagine a glamorous raw foodie wanna be should feel. My basement flooded two days ago and do you think the wet towels I used to clean the mess are still down there? You betcha...molding as we speak. But seriously, if ONLY that was the grossest thing around here! So to answer you question: YES! Holy crap we ARE doing this and I figure that the peaceful,clean existence we visualize for ourselves will start to unfold over the next several weeks.

-Jill

PS I just counted 52 wine corks in my kitchen utensil drawer. So, no wine (ask again in a day.)

PSS I wish I had a moo moo.

7/25/2010

Stacy,

You mind blowing control freak. I am just gonna post whenever I want, wherever I want until you realize that we need to discuss these things. ON. THE. PHONE.

Who know the havoc I could wreak? Actually, I have a lot of computer experience and most of it is not so hot. Potential abounds...

And this is how I am going to talk to you in our blog. None of this helpful and entertaining shit because I don't care about anyone else. I am in this for this here ca-honey and this one alone (well I hope you do well too :))

And I need my list of allowable cuss words, not ones to avoid because no doubt I will pull one out you didn't think of.

Jill

Dear Jill (wackadoo) Nipper,

Control freak? I find it hilarious that YOU are calling me that. Ya know what it's like? It's like asking for a ride to the store because you can't drive and then calling the person driving you a control freak because they insist on driving. Yeah. It's like that. Then you ask me what cuss words can you use???? OH THE IRONY! Shit, I don't f'n know!!! You say you know a lot about computers? Well prove it and fix the REAL US page. (for the record that space thing appeared at the exact same time you got on Blogger, I'M JUST SAYING) For the record, here's what I want it to be:

• A completely honest back and forth exchange between two women (who barely know each other) who are struggling/succeeding/failing to be raw for 90 consecutive days.
• Documentation of what I hope to be our complete and utter transformation. I'm counting on raw giving us the bodies/life/spiritual connection of our dreams. I love the idea that we could have the most amazing before and after photos ever.
• Funny/Entertaining/Irreverent. I have no interest in just having another earnest/fruity/sanctimonious blog.
• A great source of raw information. Book/blog/product reviews.
• Somewhat professional. Meaning we put some effort into it. Yeah it doesn't have to be PERFECT but that doesn't mean we make people wade through lots of boring/not entertaining self indulgent slop just because we don't want to take the time to edit.

I do think that we should have honest exchanges on here. And I wait anxiously for your reply.

Stacy the control freak phoneaphobe

Dear Stacy,

If you did more than just skim my posts you would see that while I did say I had a lot of experience with computers, I also made it clear that that experience was "not so hot."

Furthermore, I asked you about what cuss words I could use because you have more experience here in the cyber world. You should know from exchanging 3 miles worth of e-mails with me that I have a tendency to use the C-word...is that ok?

I just went and looked at The Real Us page and it is looking so much better. I know you called me a sucky photographer but I like my picture. It captures exactly what I feel: blurry and filled with self loathing for letting myself get in such sad shape..

I thought we were't gonna be long-winded...

Dear Jill,

For the sake of comedy I wanted to just write "F.U." But we are sensitive little corn flowers right now (I am for sure) and so instead I will say that I'm really happy that we're doing this - well happy is not the word really - terrified. Yeah, that's how I feel. TERRIFIED.

Love, your raw partner, stacy (i can feel my back fat) mcqueen

7/25/2010

Dear Jill,

Graves made me this beautiful fruit plate with nectarine slices, cherries and banana... and despite it being so tasty - there was this moment when I was like WAIT! THESE ARE MY FINAL DAYS BEFORE WE GO ALL RAW! I SHOULD BE EATING SOMETHING NAUGHTY, COOKED AND DELICIOUS! I DESERVE IT! No matter that last night I had pizza and a bucket of wine (and a Vicadin -see pin in foot) Not to mention I look/feel hideous and know that eating really fresh LIVE foods will make me feel better. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS NEED TO SELF DESTRUCT? And why isn't being conscious of it enough?

Dear Stacy,

Is this how you visualize us completing a day? I think several smaller exchanges is fun. It might be fun even for one of us to come back 2,3,4 times with new responses? Either way, how do you like the blue? Too matchy matchy with our background? And no matter what I do I cannot figure out how to have a space between our posts, or my Dear Stacy and body content. This old computer sucks. I am gonna go to Best Buy with my other one and hopefully they can fix it while I wait.

In the beginning...

Here's what happened. Stacy McQueen posted a status update on her Facebook that she was going to attempt 30 days of raw. Jill Nipper contacted her. The two had met in college. Were they best friends back then? No. Had they had any contact since? No. They didn't know jack about each other. They only knew one thing - they felt like crap and wanted to make a big change. Wait TWO things. They both had been drawn to raw. So what began as a casual (let's face it they never made it to the 30 days) correspondence has turned into a full blown obsession until one day they hit on the idea of starting a blog and chronicling their biggest raw challenge to date. 90 consecutive days of seeking SHANGRI RAW.

(PS... yes we see the Brontosaurus with the man. NO we do not believe man walked with dinosaurs. We had written the post IN THE BEGINNING and then googled images and this is what we got. And it makes us laugh. )